Do you folks remember a feller by the name of Steven Spielberg? I know I do.
Spielberg has been honored with two Academy awards and when the American Film Institute released a list of the 100 greatest American films ever made, five of his movies headlined the catalog of movies...more than anybody else, even the brilliant man-God that is Alfred Hitchcock. He's one of the wealthiest men on the planet and--rightly so. He's worked hard for it.
To me, the words BLOCKBUSTER, OSCAR and BLUES-BROTHERS-CAMEO are not the words to which he is synonymous. No, the word I'm thinking is VISION. Spielberg is a man of vision. He has given us images that will never leave our consciousness. They've seared their way into the manuscripts of time as if they were delivered from the hand of God Himself. The mothership hovering over Devil's Tower in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS. An adolescent recreational bicyclist and his alien pet soaring through the night sky in E.T. A Tyrannosaurus Rex snacking on a smarmy lawyer in JURASSIC PARK.
That's CLOVERFIELD. It is not a Spielberg film, but feels like one in tone and imagery. CLOVERFIELD is a moving ensemble piece of moving images that infiltrates our conscious core which, no matter how hard we try, we can never shake.
However...as it has been proven that the whole of civilization is about to collapse and/or is in decline, many will not like this movie. Not enough explosions! The monster looks stupid! Where's Johnny Depp in this movie? I have an incoming txt message! I wanna buy a Hollister shirt! LOL!!!111
Jesus H. Fuckin' Christ. Seeing this movie at my local theater...now, bare in mind, I'd never wish bodily harm on anybody. I mean, that's just wrong. But when I left the auditorium to take a piss halfway through, I was praying to the good Lord to concoct a devine miracle: A great big fuckin' fire at theater 9 or 10 or whatever the fuck one I was sitting in. And while he was at it, he could've jammed the doors shut, trapping the motherfuckers inside so they'd meet a grotesque, scorching, well-earned demise.
Didn't happen, though. I suppose God was maxed out on community service hours for the week, I guess. Beats me.
I was supposed to see the midnight show (1-17-08!) with some buddies from work (WILL POWER, REP-RO-SENT*!) but of all nights...the one night I had something planned, there had to be a winter storm. So I missed out. So...by my lonesome, I went the next day once I finished my shift and the theater was packed out the ass...with a bunch of high school children who were there because it was not yet "bed time" and their parent's neglected to have an abortion by the 20th week from inception.
They laughed sporadically throughout the duration of the film for no apparent reason and their "commentary" tracks were as welcome as a benign tumor on my scrotum. And when the movie concluded, I was made privy to their one-word consensus of the film: GAY. That's it. Not exactly a credible or resourceful argument, but hey...they don't know no better. They also said, "That's just like the Blair Witch.!" Really? I thought it was alot like Godzilla, but filmed like the Blair Witch. CLOVERFIELD has a lot more to offer than random shots of trees, rocks and the F-word.
Anyhoo, the film itself is pretty good. I usually give a concise synopsis with every review I write, but bare in mind, my words may not do it justice. The premise of the film is quite convoluted:
GIANT MONSTER GOES BAT SHIT BANANAS IN MANHATTAN. AFFLUENT YUPPIES RUN IN FEAR WITH ROLLING VIDEO CAMERA IN TOW. BLAIR WITCH COMPARISONS WILL BE MADE.
And that was how it was marketed from the get-go. You get what you pay for. You can't buy a bag of Lay's Salt and Vinegar potato chips and then complain that they were too high in sodium content. It was executed well and a fun amusement park-like ride, in contrast to the final PIRATES flick (which a similar audience applauded like it was fuckin' CITIZEN KANE). It had something important to say, it said it brazenly and did so without being manipulative or cheap. It's filming technique was somewhat of a nuisance but it was necessary and made sense as this was the unprecendented narrative approach to a sub-genre motion picture such as this.
Look. I ain't gonna lie. I was expecting the film to be AWFUL. It was released in January (nothing good comes out in January except RAMBO) and it was handled by JJ Abrams, the man who wrote the cinematic gem that was ARMAGEDDON and now aims to rape my childhood and my asshole by remaking Star Trek as BEVERLY MARS, NCC-1701. So I was skeptical at first.
I was surprised at how much instant iconography there was in this film. Lady Liberty's head, used as a bowling ball. The cameo of the Starship Trooper bugs in an abandoned subway tunnel. The monster's "Mr. Demille" moment at the end. An exploding Marlena, motherfucker. Oops. Spoilers.
And as for the lack of exposition...it is an immediate story, one that is an allegory of our initial reaction to a certain day in September, 2001 when two buildings recreated a botched, epic-sized round of Jenga from my youth and alot of people bought American flags in their grief. Did we know Al-Queda was behind the attack at first? Did we know why it happened?
Fuck no we didn't know. And that's the point of the story (they even allude to it in a line at the end...don't wanna spoil it): How we react to impromptu grand scale destruction as a species. What difference does it make what the monster's motives are? I firmly believe that he came to Manhattan to join the anti-National ID card crusaders but he accidentally ended up in Harlem, so caps were busted in his ass. That's when he goes bat shit bananas...That's my theory. Shit blows up, buildings collapse, people expand and explode right before our eyes, etc. So how do we react to that? Do we loot electronics stores? Do we seek out the people we love to ensure their safety? Do we run and hide under a bridge in Central Park once the military has issued the absolute destruction of Manhattan? Would we profess our love to that other person and be rudely interrupted by the bombing runs? Would it kill the remaining cast who had survived up to this point?
Oops. Spoilers.
The film lags a bit here and there. Shaky-cam sucks. The characters are yuppies, yet the film offers it's only unrealistic aspect as they seem like cool cats you'd like to kick it with. Could've used the monster (CLOVIE, I call him) a bit more. He looks kind of silly, but he's from the ocean so let's not hold a grudge. At least he isn't a crustacean and I'm thankful for that. As a loyal patron of Red Lobster the last thing I need to develop is a lobster complex. I don't know. It's a memorable film...I guess. I recommend it.
--Don't die in a fire (unless you dislike CLOVERFIELD)--
RFB
*intentional spelling error, btw. LOL!!!!!1111
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