Saturday, May 3, 2008

RFB Blockbuster '08 series: IRON MAN

(Author's note: I'm attempting to broaden the demographic of my audience, so I'm gonna speak in internet jargon and e-acronyms and circumvent my use of big words as most of you don't understand what the hell I'm saying. I am also going to shorten the review from it's initial length and be terse—That ADHD thing alienates my target audience. -RFB)


IRON MAN is fly, it's dope, it's off the chain or hook or handle or however you young people talk nowadays. I don't know. It's a badass movie where you will go, "OMFG" and you'll probably "LOL" a few times during the film. I wouldn't recommend "ROFL" because the theaters aren't cleaned as well as they should be...plus you'd disturb the other attendees in the auditorium and that's kind of a dick move. You may pound fists with whoever accompanies you during certain moments…In short: It's awesome.

Robert Downey Jr. plays a wealthy, wise-cracking dick that builds a suit of golden, reddish armor and decides to quit being such a wise-cracking dick (he keeps the wealth, though) so he can cruise around creating sonic booms in mid-air and fire rockets at Middle-Easterns while clad in his brand-spanking new outfit. Then The Dude shaves his head and gets a hold of an armored suit himself…which happens to be bigger and more menacing. Less colorful, though. This rivalry of who has the better Robocop Halloween costume culminates in a great big, shiny, metallic dick showing contest where there are explosions, ass-kicking and flying debris all around. And it's awesome. Hell yeah.

With Wall-E, Indiana Jones, The Dark Knight and Sex and the City being released in the upcoming months, the blockbusters this season are gonna be as tight as your mama's pussy in the seventh grade. LOL!

Just awesome.

--Don't die in a fire.--

RFB


P.S.: If you're a fan of the MARVEL universe, stick around for the end credits. Even if you're not a fan, do so anyway. Not to give too much away but it features one of the greatest cameos in movie history and will give you a Red Bull-level jolt when it reveals that there are bigger things to come for us united comic book fans.

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