RFB at the movies: RAMBO

RAMBO

Ho. Lee. Shit. Folks, I think I've just seen the most violent movie ever made. Stallone turns the ULTRA-VIOLENCE meter up to 11, twists the knob off and throws it out of a moving vehicle…and it confuses me a bit. RAMBO rubs off as a film that is fervently pacifist, yet simultaneously indulgent with its hostility…but then again, this is a series that has always been susceptible to contradiction.

And that's why I absolutely love RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II of all the movies. I can't take it serious; I don't take it serious. Of course, the sociopolitical commentary is there, but it feels as if it is a throwback to a disillusioned B-movie that thinks it is stating something purposeful. RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II is absolutely oxymoronic, beginning with its subtitle: FIRST BLOOD…PART II. Then you have all of these, "…what the fuck?" moments to sift through. Like when Rambo falls in love with the Asian girl after knowing her for about three hours and--the movie-makers waste no time--she is gunned down directly after. And then you have the ending and it makes me laugh each time I watch it. He walks off into the sunset, sans a shirt, covered in muck and filth and the cheesy 80's pop song begins to play as if we're supposed to sympathize with the character. Um…what? I do remember the latter moments of the film in which the titular character flew a gunship into an enemy village and set it ablaze. I mean, I'm all for military extractions especially those regarding American POW's, but come on. Was it really necessary to blow up a whole goddamned village in a repetitive sequence of a helicopter flying around in circles? You had a helicopter equipped with missiles while they had AK-47s. You win, dude.

So here we have it...Southeast Asia is in flames, Rambo won't be hitting that Asian booty any time soon (Oh, snap!), lives are irrevocably ruined, the equity value of the village has decreased exceptionally (I'd know; real estate is an avid hobby of mine) and we're treated to some bubble-gum pop song to send off a rather mean-spirited, mindless action flick.

It's so remarkably genius that it is unparallel to any action film prior. And the best part of it all: the film parodies itself before anybody else had the opportunity to do so. The entire film, from it's concept to execution, comes across as a tongue-in-cheek yarn while the filmmakers were attempting to create an idealistic and somber movie.

I've spent a lot of time speaking about First Blood Part II and the reason for that is: RAMBO (new one) and RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II (old one) are pretty much the same exact movie (recycled formula)…Yet in contrast, RAMBO (new one) is merely an extended sequence of exploding Asian motherfuckers.

And let me tell you, it's a very badass, HARDCORE, awesome (and by awesome I mean sweet) sequence of exploding Asian motherfuckers. But I wanted subtext similar to that of the original. What pissed me off the most where the hints of a brain somewhere in the head of this film. Sure, there is some kind of a heart beating inside of its chest. RAMBO (…new one) brings up several issues such as genocide and transgression, and just throws them to the side to deliver… exploding Asian motherfuckers.

Like I said, it comes off at first as a film that looks down on violence yet then exploits it. RAMBO has come to terms with the fact that the only thing he's ever been good at is murdering Asian people. He's practically self-loathing at this stage in his life. But these missionaries (who have the collective personality of a dry dish cloth) get captured by a unit of sadistic Burmese soldiers (who also have the collective personality of a dry dish cloth). So, Rambo gears up and heads up river with a group of mercenaries (dry dish cloth, dude) to rescue the survivors.

So begins the soon-to-be infamous 15 minute sequence of exploding Asian motherfuckers when Stallone mans a .50 caliber MG and goes to town on the Burmese soldiers. It's a great sequence, amongst the very best in action movie history. This one doesn't screw around. This is what happens to the human body when it is fired upon at point black range by heavy artillery. And it's oddly, darkly humorous when the soldiers liquefy. And whereas any other film with an extended action sequence such as this would have eventually become repetitious, the carnage grows more and more insane and welcome with each passing moment.

And it saddens me that this is the best this film has to offer. There are moments of artistic poignancy that made me think this could turn out to be more than just a mindless action flick. The aforementioned genocide scenes don't shy away from the inhumanity of this civil war. Many of the young male villagers are forcibly drafted to join the Burmese unit and this parallels the tragedy of John Rambo. Similar to Rambo, many of these men have unwillingly committed atrocities beyond comprehension and over the years and the effects; the scars have permeated them. I mean, gosh. That's kind of what this series was meant to be about, you know. But then—Stallone decides that there is no gray area here with these guys. No, their souls are as black as night. They're consigned to the realm of mustache-twirling, archetypal exploding Asian motherfuckin' villains.

And that brings me to the end. Not to spoil it or anything, but oddly enough, in a "what the fuck…" moment, the series is wrapped up the same way it began, with Rambo walking down a desolate road, looking for meaning. Not more than a nod to fans of the series…this was not an appropriate bookend. It was not earned and comes across as a deviation in comparison to the rest of the film.

Folks, if the all you're expecting from RAMBO is a geriatric 61 year old alpha male "pWn'ing" exploding Asian motherfuckers for an hour and a half, you're gonna have a blast with this one. But don't go in thinking you're gonna be any smarter by watching it, 'cause if you understand and respect the art of narrative, you're gonna be more confused than a deer in the headlights.

* * 1/2 Two and a half stars