THE DEPARTED
When I saw this film for the first time in 2006, I was smitten. THE DEPARTED is an awesome fuckin' movie. But more importantly—it is the definitive movie about the American male. Bar none. And furthermore, it is the most unapologetic masculine movie to hit the theaters this decade.
What I love most about it is the subtext. While this isn't a David Lynch film, it is quite heady. Nobody is drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon or stabbing their mutant baby with a pair of scissors (I believe two scenes of shit like that would make it a five star movie instead of a four, however). On the surface, THE DEPARTED appears to be a "crime saga" motion picture. Sure, on a literal level, that is what it is. However, on a critical level, there is so much more than meets the eye.
THE DEPARTED is a metaphor for the declining state of the modern American Male.
Each of the major players represents various figures of male identity. Jack Nicholson and Martin Sheen respectively embody father figures. Albeit, one is twisted and malevolent, while the other repentant and benevolent.
They're just fodder. Costello and Queenan are little more than perfunctory roles in basic male development. The meat of this fable essentially belongs to DiCaprio and Damon, who both symbolize the crisis of the modern identity crises amongst those who sport pork-swords. Hear me out.
Matt Damon as Colin Sullivan is what you'd call a "douchebag". Come down to it, he's a cocky lil' motherfucker. He's in tip-top physical shape and he kisses ass to garner promotions from his bosses. The camaraderie he shares with women makes him successful in fucking them. They also like him so as he is indestructible in cataclysmic automobile collisions and at making the camera shake sporadically during chaotic fight scenes as to induce involuntary seizures.
He dresses like money; he makes a lot of money 'cause he informs the mob on police operations. So…I suppose that makes him money, huh?
Not quite. He's a conniving, "…two-faced faggot" according to DiCaprio's Billy Costigan. Now, Costigan is what you'd call a "pussy". He's an incessant, anxiety-ridden whiner. Nobody respects him, everybody treats him like shit—that is if they even acknowledge his existence whatsoever. Unlike "Douchebag" Sullivan, he does possess redeeming traits. He's essentially the only character who is noble and paradoxically maintains the courage to infiltrate Costello's crime syndicate.
So, here we have the douchebag and the pussy. Two alternate paradigms, constantly at war with each other. How do you deepen the conflict?
Throw in another pussy. Albeit, a hairier one.
Some lady (I don't know her name) plays [who cares] who dates the douchebag and fucks the pussy one rainy night 'cause the local Korean carry-out was shut down by the DOH and she needed her fix or something, I guess. I don't know.
So here we have it. The douchebag and pussy are now fighting over a pussy. The father figures are either threatening them or patting them on the back for a job well done, etc. So…how does director Martin "Fuckin'" Scorsese thicken the plot?
Enter a MAN. Not just any man. THE MAN. The most masculine man in human history. The man who conquered the PLANET OF THE APES. Who outran gusts of wind and spouted off impromptu anecdotes regarding cough syrup. Let me ask you: Who else could theatrically deep-dick Julianne Moore so hard that she would agree to appear in THE LOST WORLD?
Marky Mark as Dignam.
Now think about that for a minute. We don't know if Dignam is his first name or last. It's irrelevant. That's one masculine fuckin' name. DIGNAM. Shit, I'd go so far as to say that's the most mannish moniker this side of MAX or DECAPITATOR.
And he's a badass. He talks shit to everybody, he lets everybody know they're shit and he don't take no shit. If you cross him, he'll make you red in the face by either yelling at you HARDCORE or just straight out decking you one. He'll even trade in his trademark backwards baseball cap for a five dollar beanie if the situation calls for it.
In short, this is one motherfucker you just don't fuck with. A perfect specimen of raw male machismo.
You see, that's all we have now: Pussies and douchebags, respectively. And it fuckin' sucks. Pussies always whine 'cause they can't get what they want ('cause they're weak) and they're jealous of douchebags 'cause DBs get what they want (e.g.: The pussy gets a douchebag's table scraps of vagina and asks for seconds). And that sucks too 'cause the only thing these fucktards deserve is a closed-coffin funeral…without an audience to send them off.
But alas! We have Marky Mark. He's an ambassador of man-justice. When a DB fucks a pussy (figuratively) for his own personal gain, he springs into action sporting man-booties and shoots the motherfucker in the face. Spoilers.
This guy is a much needed return to the art of chivalry. And he doesn't even need chicks. He only requires a surrogate face to abuse.
That's the true, blue definition of what a fuckin' MAN should be.
I say, fuck the both of 'em. I wanna be more like Marky Mark. You should too.
(Good movie, by the way…forgot to mention that)
--Don't die in a fire--
RFB
Afterword: Dignam is getting his own movie from what I hear. Maybe it's because everybody else died. Or maybe it's because he's such an awesome manly-man. ???
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
THE DARK KNIGHT
THE DARK KNIGHT
I could start this review a thousand different ways. I could begin by telling you how big of a fan I am of the BATMAN mythos. How important these stories are to me. I could start off by saying that the original BATMAN wasn't up to par and took two of the greatest literary characters of American history and converted them into perfunctory summer blockbuster caricatures. I could talk about how the JOKER is quite possibly my favorite fictional character or how I feel that he is the most menacing villain of all time.
I shall start out like this:
It is a great time to be a movie fan. Within the past year, we've been handed three of the greatest movies of all time. Not good (as in obligatory Oscar bait). Not of the "year". Not of the decade. Of all time. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. THERE WILL BE BLOOD. WALL-E. Each of the films features iconic, indelible characters. Anton Chigurh. Daniel Plainview. The Waste Allocation Load Lifter-Earth Class robot.
And if this wasn't enough, THE DARK KNIGHT rips through the summer like a blitzkrieg attack on London. Nolan and Co. offer a revamp on a character unlike anything we've ever seen before. And it kicks you in the ass and keeps on truckin’.
I'm gonna split up the categories on this one. I’m going to observe the proverbial, “…elephant-in-the-room” ‘cause I’m sure that’s what most of you are interested in.
THE LEDGOKER (AKA "FREAK" AKA DEAD HEATH BAR)
Metaphorically, Gotham City is Jake Gyllenhaal's asshole from Brokeback Mountain. The Joker is Heath Ledger's cock from the aforementioned picture. Now, take the tent scene where Heath pounds Jake's ass raw (with minimal lubrication!) and multiply that by a thousand.
THE DARK KNIGHT is essentially a two-hour thrill ride where the LEDGOKER sodomizes Donnie Darko's asshole without question, without mercy and without qualm. Needless to say, the punishment is severe.
The Joker is the very definition of evil. In various forms of media, evil is empathized or given some form of hubris. This is done to establish some form of twisted humanity. Villains are often ordinary people who are unable to squelch their desires for greed, power, vengeance, etc. And if the Joker was to be hindered by any form of hubris it would be that regardless of the destruction he reaps, he cannot be killed. The monster is a malevolent force of nature that endangers or corrupts anything he comes into contact with. His daily mass-murdering activities are little more than a game...A game that often invokes unenthusiastic victims.
Jack Nicholson kinda fucked it up as far as I’m concerned. He lacked the demonic, ethereal qualities the Joker has personified over the decades. While I love Jack; while I love his portrayal of the Joker, it was kind of weak, pedestrian performance merely enhanced by his infectious mania. Mark Hamill’s cartoon Joker from the 1990's cartoon was the most accurate and menacing adaptation of the clown prince of crime, I feel. The Joker’s inherent sadism was toned down and frequently absent as it was a cartoon aimed at children. They weren't allowed to take it as far as, say…Alan Moore’s THE KILLING JOKE or Ed Brubaker’s THE MAN WHO LAUGHS.
I have waited all of my life to see an iteration of a JOKER this cruel. The Ledgoker has absolutely no morals or regard for human life (including his own) whatsoever. And that is the fathom of absolute evil. It isn't concerned with power. It doesn't want to consume the world. It doesn't want to drink your milkshake. Absolute evil frankly has one agenda to fulfill: The punishment of ordinary civilian life. From the Columbine shootings to the horrific events of September 11th, most of us have witnessed unfathomable horror from a perspective that is too close for comfort. That’s the point, though. Induce irrevocable damage on a grand scale and in turn, induce panic at a cataclysmic level. The Ledgoker concocts and executes his plan like a mastermind…and you won’t take your eyes off of him for a second.
Heath, my boy. You died far too young. This film would've catapulted him to the stratosphere of the A-list. Metaphorically, he is the devil; the personification of faceless anarchy. Slithering around like a cosmic, unstoppable force. Spouting off half-lies and half-truths; taking sport in manipulating anybody in order to fulfill his psychotic, multi-layered scheme. As the initial plan twists or spoil in some way, his maneuvers and plotting evolve to exploit the escalating madness that has infiltrated the streets of Gotham. It isn’t about killing people, necessarily. That’s a bonus to him, after all. It’s about hurting them; deconstructing the victim-in-question until there is nothing left but an unfamiliar husk.
Anybody who is not familiar with the Alan Moore version of the Joker will more than likely not notice this at first. Watching this psychotic freak terrorize the citizens of Gotham was darkly humorous and simultaneously dreadful. Not to give too much away, but The Ledgoker essentially wins on some diminutive level. He cuts the central characters fairly deep by movie’s end and their lives will never be the same. Even though he is "stopped", it is irrelevant. He looks at himself as an agent of chaos, one willing to ascend to a martyr of chaos. He is more than willing to take a few punches to get what he wants. Pretty grim shit for a PG-13 movie featuring comic book characters who are sponsored by Kellogg’s. I like to see the bad guy win. After all, this interpretation of the series is more akin to reality, ain't it?
THE BATMAN (AKA THE DARK KNIGHT)
One of the problems with the live action Caped Crusader flicks was that he was not THE DARK KNIGHT (not a pun). He was just some asshole in a bat costume. The persona of the Batman was not fully fleshed out in previous entries—including BATMAN BEGINS. Regardless of his fancy-schmancy attire, I could never view him as the Batman from the comics.
Irony aside, albeit this is the first Batman movie to not feature his primary moniker in the title, this is the definitive Caped Crusader. The Batman. The Dark Knight.
Here, he's mean, he’s lean...a fighting machine. The action sequences were a much needed improvement over BATMAN BEGINS as in the original, the scuffles were practically indiscernible. The giddiest aspect of THE DARK KNIGHT is that Bruce Wayne (clad in Bat-ears or not) endeavors on several detective stints. He is known as the WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE for a reason. And here, we see him utilize odd technology and abrasive interrogative strategies to put the pieces together of this travesty of a terrorist puzzle. The middle of the film, with the forensics, the "ongoing investigation" and shakedown of Eric Roberts (That’s a HARDCORE moment) were my favorite sequences of the movie. Just nice to see Batman explored fluidly and with the utmost respect. The new costume was a bit bothersome, even though it was better than the Nomex suit from part I, nonetheless. Note: Needs to wear spandex. Well, not necessarily spandex. The Armed Forces are working on a lightweight Kevlar armor no less thick than my T-shirt. I don't know...why doesn’t Nolan incorporate that into the story instead of the uncomfortable infantry battle armor? And let's quit with the black shit, huh? Many bats are grey on the underneath. Idea for part III: have Bats create a lightweight Kevlar costume containing a bit more then a hint of grey. Include the character of Edna Mode from THE INCREDIBLES and have her design it. That way it doesn’t come off as a superfluous sequence bogged down in unnecessary exposition.
I hated the Sonar, by the way. The construction site battle came close to "Nuking-the-fridge" or “nippling-the-batman”. But not quite.
HARVEY DENT (AKA TWO-FACE)
Enter the White Knight of Gotham. Harvey Dent is the latest District Attorney seeking to cut off the flow of crime. A man whose balls are so brass that he inspires the good in this metropolis of decadence; who is willing to take the punches (not too hard, though). (Take note, Lucas. This is how you portray a tragic villain.) If the Joker's plan had not come to fruition, Dent would've inspired the citizens of Gotham City to reclaim their home by facing corruption head on and not backing down regardless of the threats or consequences.
Harvey Dent is the Barack Obama of white people.
That is before he gets fucked up hardcore and begins to act a motherfuckin' fool. So, I don't know. More power to him, I guess. Aaron Eckhart kicks ass as an actor. I liked him more in THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, however. I guess it's because he's nicer to look at (in a non-homo way...the man has the most masculine traits of all time) when he isn't missing half of his face and trying to murder children by threatening them with a revolver. I don't know. Perhaps I'm vain.
LIEUTENENT JIM GORDON (AKA COMMISSIONER GORDON)
I love Gary Oldman. He is quite possibly my favorite character actor. When I first heard of BATMAN BEGINS and discovered that he was playing Gordon, I said (paraphrasing), "Fuckin' A!” The previous films treated Batman's second best friend and ally as an absolute incompetent doofus. In these films, he's a prominent character; he's like the Han Solo to Batman’s Luke Skywalker. And I like that. Gordon is a badass character (see Frank Miller's BATMAN: YEAR ONE) and it's good to see him receive the treatment he deserves.
STORY
All 152 minutes of this film is ass-kick. There are plot twists and tonal shifts that completely threw me off guard—and I had a 90% understanding on the overall plot. THE DARK KNIGHT begins like a 70’s bank-heist noir. It quickly shifts to your typical Batman plot. As the film introduces the secondary players and subplots, the perfunctory superhero yarn is quickly fastened on hiatus and we watch a crime saga stem from the remains. The minute the Ledgoker reveals that he does not aim to intimidate the citizens of Gotham with empty threats; the film descends into DIRTY HARRY/SEVEN territory. The end certifies this picture as a powerful Greek tragedy. We feel the anguish and we certainly feel the impending dread of this standoff all the way up to the credits. And while the film is damn near three hours long, it never once overstays its welcome. The time flew by seamlessly.
DIRECTION, CINEMATOGRAPHY, SCORE, ETC.
This is the miscellaneous section. Um, the direction is spectacular. Nolan is living up to the SPIELBERG OF OUR TIME award that many people are throwing at him. Every movie of Nolan’s is filled-to-the brim with compelling characters complete with thought-provoking subtext to boot. I personally feel that THE DARK KNIGHT is the pinnacle of limited albeit impressive filmography. Distinctly an unbiased metaphor for 9/11 and the aftermath, it provides a plethora of "food-for-thought" dissimilar to other fright-inducing, catastrophic-themed films by means of exploring the social and political changes brought on by a hellish day of disaster. This is a social examination of America, told through the microcosmic point-of-view of the most fucked up fictional city on this Earth. Seriously…Gotham City is like Liberty City from the GRAND THEFT AUTO video games. Terrorist serial killer clowns (not from outer space) and a traumatized playboy bachelor dressed up as a ninja Doberman pincher. That shit ain’t in the game. The last movie featured Liam Neeson and his army of well-financed ninjas hijacking monorails and burning down mansions. Shit ain't normal. And perhaps I don't have the correct cheat codes for GTA IV, but it would be cool if your character could dress as a psycho killer clown (not from outer space) and ram stationary pencils into people's eyes. Fuck carjackings. Let's get innovative. Rockstar Games developers are beginning to lose the lead from their pencils, let me tell ya.
Cinematography was stunning. The skyscrapers were impressive especially as all of those scenes were filmed in IMAX. Having the on-set location of Chicago gave viewers a sense of much-needed variety, as most blockbusters shoot on-location at NYC. Fuck NYC. Let's face it. When it comes to the Big Apple, that town is the quintessential arena for various forms of Pwn'age. On celluloid, NYC has faced destruction from the martians from INDEPENDENCE DAY, THE PLANET OF THE APES, the ice storm from that one liberal propaganda movie, AI and CLOVERFIELD. In real life, they are cursed with The Yankees, MTV studios and a real-life Ground Zero.
FAIL.
Chicago has Al Capone. Chicago wins! Don't wanna fuck with that town. Shit, only the Joker would be crazy enough to fuck with Chicago. You could reawaken the dead spirit of Capone and I don't think he'd take kindly to you tampering with his renowned stance on prohibition. Screw that noise. Watch THE UNTOUCHABLES. Motherfucker had the world's greatest batting average in his day. Who needs that shit? I don't. Got enough problems as it is.
THE DARK KNIGHT has some of the most breathtaking action sequences I've ever seen (the batpod chase...Ho. Lee. Shit.) even if the editing was a bit shoddy in some of those sequences (note: The IMAX cameras are ridiculously heavy, jarringly noisy and can only carry three minutes of continuous film footage). This does not take away from the true feat of the film:the performances. Most of which are top-of-the-game and Oscar-Worthy. The story was fairly simple, yet layered. There was an imminent doom pacing up the spine of the narrative and it culminates in a heart-stopping finale.
As for the score: I liked it much more than BEGINS. The score for BATMAN BEGINS grew grating over time (that was the point of the score though; to establish mood whilst enhancing the insight of growing psychosis within the titular character) this score is a bit more conventional. However, I will say that it is more effective. I do believe Batman gets his own theme; a motif if you will. In the last film he had no definitive theme. I don't really know what the hell his "theme" was throughout the film (or where it appeared for that matter), but from the score I've listened to, it could be a combination of several motifs used in the original movie. Good shit, though. An apple to Danny Elfman’s orange, THE DARK KNIGHT’S score is as audibly heroic when called for. The Joker's theme, on the other hand, is as disturbing as the character on screen. It's like a cross between Jonny Greenwood's tracks from THERE WILL BE BLOOD and Clint Mansell's "Lux Aeterna" from REQUIEM FOR A DREAM.
In conclusion, this is amongst the finest genre films ever. It's the film that any and all following superhero movies will be judged. It transcends one genre of film and becomes its own amalgamation. This is like a latter year Johnny Cash record. In his waning years he covered a vast collective of variable songs, and recreated them in his own distinguishable style. THE DARK KNIGHT is a horror film, a crime thriller, a dark comedy/satire and a classical detective story. The ingredients were thrown meticulously into a blender and the restaurant has discovered a recipe for the ages. It's a fully cohesive, striking work of motion picture. I rarely say this with new releases, and I think I said it with WALL-E: This is one of the greatest movies ever made. This isn't a bias judgment from a hardcore BATMAN fan. If anything that makes me even more critical.
I have ridiculously high standards and I'm not afraid to bash something when it isn't up to par. I have even higher standards when it comes to the things that molded my childhood. I liked the SPIDER-MAN movies, sure. But I don't regard them as classics or Grade-A movies. More like mid-grade, actually. Like a Toyota, not a Lexus. SPIDER-MAN 3 was like my old beige Corolla. Six months to go on the payments and the fucker goes POOF.
I could go on and on and on about this film for hours. But I'm not going to. It really is that good. You've read all about it from other critics. For the first time in history, they're absolutely correct. To be honest, I don't believe I've ever heard this much unanimous praise for a film EVER. Everybody I've talked to about this film has loved it and is anxious to see it again.
THE DARK KNIGHT is the best summer movie since THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. And THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is my favorite movie of all time. Do the math on that. That's how strongly I feel about this movie.
As Gordon says in the final lines of the film, that Batman was not the hero Gotham needs, but the hero Gotham deserves. This parallels my thoughts on the film. THE DARK KNIGHT is not the film we deserve, but the movie we need.
A RFB FUCKIN' SEAL OF APPROVAL MOTION PICTURE. THE DARK KNIGHT DELIVERS. AND THEN SOME.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
P.S.: Bob Hoskins as THE PENGUIN in BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT BEGINS THE CAPED CRUSADE (WITH THE BOY WONDER)! Not the actual title, but it would be a good one, I think. Look for another blog down the road where I will attempt to dissect the social and political angles of the movie. There is a lot here to digest. Savor the meal.
I could start this review a thousand different ways. I could begin by telling you how big of a fan I am of the BATMAN mythos. How important these stories are to me. I could start off by saying that the original BATMAN wasn't up to par and took two of the greatest literary characters of American history and converted them into perfunctory summer blockbuster caricatures. I could talk about how the JOKER is quite possibly my favorite fictional character or how I feel that he is the most menacing villain of all time.
I shall start out like this:
It is a great time to be a movie fan. Within the past year, we've been handed three of the greatest movies of all time. Not good (as in obligatory Oscar bait). Not of the "year". Not of the decade. Of all time. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. THERE WILL BE BLOOD. WALL-E. Each of the films features iconic, indelible characters. Anton Chigurh. Daniel Plainview. The Waste Allocation Load Lifter-Earth Class robot.
And if this wasn't enough, THE DARK KNIGHT rips through the summer like a blitzkrieg attack on London. Nolan and Co. offer a revamp on a character unlike anything we've ever seen before. And it kicks you in the ass and keeps on truckin’.
I'm gonna split up the categories on this one. I’m going to observe the proverbial, “…elephant-in-the-room” ‘cause I’m sure that’s what most of you are interested in.
THE LEDGOKER (AKA "FREAK" AKA DEAD HEATH BAR)
Metaphorically, Gotham City is Jake Gyllenhaal's asshole from Brokeback Mountain. The Joker is Heath Ledger's cock from the aforementioned picture. Now, take the tent scene where Heath pounds Jake's ass raw (with minimal lubrication!) and multiply that by a thousand.
THE DARK KNIGHT is essentially a two-hour thrill ride where the LEDGOKER sodomizes Donnie Darko's asshole without question, without mercy and without qualm. Needless to say, the punishment is severe.
The Joker is the very definition of evil. In various forms of media, evil is empathized or given some form of hubris. This is done to establish some form of twisted humanity. Villains are often ordinary people who are unable to squelch their desires for greed, power, vengeance, etc. And if the Joker was to be hindered by any form of hubris it would be that regardless of the destruction he reaps, he cannot be killed. The monster is a malevolent force of nature that endangers or corrupts anything he comes into contact with. His daily mass-murdering activities are little more than a game...A game that often invokes unenthusiastic victims.
Jack Nicholson kinda fucked it up as far as I’m concerned. He lacked the demonic, ethereal qualities the Joker has personified over the decades. While I love Jack; while I love his portrayal of the Joker, it was kind of weak, pedestrian performance merely enhanced by his infectious mania. Mark Hamill’s cartoon Joker from the 1990's cartoon was the most accurate and menacing adaptation of the clown prince of crime, I feel. The Joker’s inherent sadism was toned down and frequently absent as it was a cartoon aimed at children. They weren't allowed to take it as far as, say…Alan Moore’s THE KILLING JOKE or Ed Brubaker’s THE MAN WHO LAUGHS.
I have waited all of my life to see an iteration of a JOKER this cruel. The Ledgoker has absolutely no morals or regard for human life (including his own) whatsoever. And that is the fathom of absolute evil. It isn't concerned with power. It doesn't want to consume the world. It doesn't want to drink your milkshake. Absolute evil frankly has one agenda to fulfill: The punishment of ordinary civilian life. From the Columbine shootings to the horrific events of September 11th, most of us have witnessed unfathomable horror from a perspective that is too close for comfort. That’s the point, though. Induce irrevocable damage on a grand scale and in turn, induce panic at a cataclysmic level. The Ledgoker concocts and executes his plan like a mastermind…and you won’t take your eyes off of him for a second.
Heath, my boy. You died far too young. This film would've catapulted him to the stratosphere of the A-list. Metaphorically, he is the devil; the personification of faceless anarchy. Slithering around like a cosmic, unstoppable force. Spouting off half-lies and half-truths; taking sport in manipulating anybody in order to fulfill his psychotic, multi-layered scheme. As the initial plan twists or spoil in some way, his maneuvers and plotting evolve to exploit the escalating madness that has infiltrated the streets of Gotham. It isn’t about killing people, necessarily. That’s a bonus to him, after all. It’s about hurting them; deconstructing the victim-in-question until there is nothing left but an unfamiliar husk.
Anybody who is not familiar with the Alan Moore version of the Joker will more than likely not notice this at first. Watching this psychotic freak terrorize the citizens of Gotham was darkly humorous and simultaneously dreadful. Not to give too much away, but The Ledgoker essentially wins on some diminutive level. He cuts the central characters fairly deep by movie’s end and their lives will never be the same. Even though he is "stopped", it is irrelevant. He looks at himself as an agent of chaos, one willing to ascend to a martyr of chaos. He is more than willing to take a few punches to get what he wants. Pretty grim shit for a PG-13 movie featuring comic book characters who are sponsored by Kellogg’s. I like to see the bad guy win. After all, this interpretation of the series is more akin to reality, ain't it?
THE BATMAN (AKA THE DARK KNIGHT)
One of the problems with the live action Caped Crusader flicks was that he was not THE DARK KNIGHT (not a pun). He was just some asshole in a bat costume. The persona of the Batman was not fully fleshed out in previous entries—including BATMAN BEGINS. Regardless of his fancy-schmancy attire, I could never view him as the Batman from the comics.
Irony aside, albeit this is the first Batman movie to not feature his primary moniker in the title, this is the definitive Caped Crusader. The Batman. The Dark Knight.
Here, he's mean, he’s lean...a fighting machine. The action sequences were a much needed improvement over BATMAN BEGINS as in the original, the scuffles were practically indiscernible. The giddiest aspect of THE DARK KNIGHT is that Bruce Wayne (clad in Bat-ears or not) endeavors on several detective stints. He is known as the WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE for a reason. And here, we see him utilize odd technology and abrasive interrogative strategies to put the pieces together of this travesty of a terrorist puzzle. The middle of the film, with the forensics, the "ongoing investigation" and shakedown of Eric Roberts (That’s a HARDCORE moment) were my favorite sequences of the movie. Just nice to see Batman explored fluidly and with the utmost respect. The new costume was a bit bothersome, even though it was better than the Nomex suit from part I, nonetheless. Note: Needs to wear spandex. Well, not necessarily spandex. The Armed Forces are working on a lightweight Kevlar armor no less thick than my T-shirt. I don't know...why doesn’t Nolan incorporate that into the story instead of the uncomfortable infantry battle armor? And let's quit with the black shit, huh? Many bats are grey on the underneath. Idea for part III: have Bats create a lightweight Kevlar costume containing a bit more then a hint of grey. Include the character of Edna Mode from THE INCREDIBLES and have her design it. That way it doesn’t come off as a superfluous sequence bogged down in unnecessary exposition.
I hated the Sonar, by the way. The construction site battle came close to "Nuking-the-fridge" or “nippling-the-batman”. But not quite.
HARVEY DENT (AKA TWO-FACE)
Enter the White Knight of Gotham. Harvey Dent is the latest District Attorney seeking to cut off the flow of crime. A man whose balls are so brass that he inspires the good in this metropolis of decadence; who is willing to take the punches (not too hard, though). (Take note, Lucas. This is how you portray a tragic villain.) If the Joker's plan had not come to fruition, Dent would've inspired the citizens of Gotham City to reclaim their home by facing corruption head on and not backing down regardless of the threats or consequences.
Harvey Dent is the Barack Obama of white people.
That is before he gets fucked up hardcore and begins to act a motherfuckin' fool. So, I don't know. More power to him, I guess. Aaron Eckhart kicks ass as an actor. I liked him more in THANK YOU FOR SMOKING, however. I guess it's because he's nicer to look at (in a non-homo way...the man has the most masculine traits of all time) when he isn't missing half of his face and trying to murder children by threatening them with a revolver. I don't know. Perhaps I'm vain.
LIEUTENENT JIM GORDON (AKA COMMISSIONER GORDON)
I love Gary Oldman. He is quite possibly my favorite character actor. When I first heard of BATMAN BEGINS and discovered that he was playing Gordon, I said (paraphrasing), "Fuckin' A!” The previous films treated Batman's second best friend and ally as an absolute incompetent doofus. In these films, he's a prominent character; he's like the Han Solo to Batman’s Luke Skywalker. And I like that. Gordon is a badass character (see Frank Miller's BATMAN: YEAR ONE) and it's good to see him receive the treatment he deserves.
STORY
All 152 minutes of this film is ass-kick. There are plot twists and tonal shifts that completely threw me off guard—and I had a 90% understanding on the overall plot. THE DARK KNIGHT begins like a 70’s bank-heist noir. It quickly shifts to your typical Batman plot. As the film introduces the secondary players and subplots, the perfunctory superhero yarn is quickly fastened on hiatus and we watch a crime saga stem from the remains. The minute the Ledgoker reveals that he does not aim to intimidate the citizens of Gotham with empty threats; the film descends into DIRTY HARRY/SEVEN territory. The end certifies this picture as a powerful Greek tragedy. We feel the anguish and we certainly feel the impending dread of this standoff all the way up to the credits. And while the film is damn near three hours long, it never once overstays its welcome. The time flew by seamlessly.
DIRECTION, CINEMATOGRAPHY, SCORE, ETC.
This is the miscellaneous section. Um, the direction is spectacular. Nolan is living up to the SPIELBERG OF OUR TIME award that many people are throwing at him. Every movie of Nolan’s is filled-to-the brim with compelling characters complete with thought-provoking subtext to boot. I personally feel that THE DARK KNIGHT is the pinnacle of limited albeit impressive filmography. Distinctly an unbiased metaphor for 9/11 and the aftermath, it provides a plethora of "food-for-thought" dissimilar to other fright-inducing, catastrophic-themed films by means of exploring the social and political changes brought on by a hellish day of disaster. This is a social examination of America, told through the microcosmic point-of-view of the most fucked up fictional city on this Earth. Seriously…Gotham City is like Liberty City from the GRAND THEFT AUTO video games. Terrorist serial killer clowns (not from outer space) and a traumatized playboy bachelor dressed up as a ninja Doberman pincher. That shit ain’t in the game. The last movie featured Liam Neeson and his army of well-financed ninjas hijacking monorails and burning down mansions. Shit ain't normal. And perhaps I don't have the correct cheat codes for GTA IV, but it would be cool if your character could dress as a psycho killer clown (not from outer space) and ram stationary pencils into people's eyes. Fuck carjackings. Let's get innovative. Rockstar Games developers are beginning to lose the lead from their pencils, let me tell ya.
Cinematography was stunning. The skyscrapers were impressive especially as all of those scenes were filmed in IMAX. Having the on-set location of Chicago gave viewers a sense of much-needed variety, as most blockbusters shoot on-location at NYC. Fuck NYC. Let's face it. When it comes to the Big Apple, that town is the quintessential arena for various forms of Pwn'age. On celluloid, NYC has faced destruction from the martians from INDEPENDENCE DAY, THE PLANET OF THE APES, the ice storm from that one liberal propaganda movie, AI and CLOVERFIELD. In real life, they are cursed with The Yankees, MTV studios and a real-life Ground Zero.
FAIL.
Chicago has Al Capone. Chicago wins! Don't wanna fuck with that town. Shit, only the Joker would be crazy enough to fuck with Chicago. You could reawaken the dead spirit of Capone and I don't think he'd take kindly to you tampering with his renowned stance on prohibition. Screw that noise. Watch THE UNTOUCHABLES. Motherfucker had the world's greatest batting average in his day. Who needs that shit? I don't. Got enough problems as it is.
THE DARK KNIGHT has some of the most breathtaking action sequences I've ever seen (the batpod chase...Ho. Lee. Shit.) even if the editing was a bit shoddy in some of those sequences (note: The IMAX cameras are ridiculously heavy, jarringly noisy and can only carry three minutes of continuous film footage). This does not take away from the true feat of the film:the performances. Most of which are top-of-the-game and Oscar-Worthy. The story was fairly simple, yet layered. There was an imminent doom pacing up the spine of the narrative and it culminates in a heart-stopping finale.
As for the score: I liked it much more than BEGINS. The score for BATMAN BEGINS grew grating over time (that was the point of the score though; to establish mood whilst enhancing the insight of growing psychosis within the titular character) this score is a bit more conventional. However, I will say that it is more effective. I do believe Batman gets his own theme; a motif if you will. In the last film he had no definitive theme. I don't really know what the hell his "theme" was throughout the film (or where it appeared for that matter), but from the score I've listened to, it could be a combination of several motifs used in the original movie. Good shit, though. An apple to Danny Elfman’s orange, THE DARK KNIGHT’S score is as audibly heroic when called for. The Joker's theme, on the other hand, is as disturbing as the character on screen. It's like a cross between Jonny Greenwood's tracks from THERE WILL BE BLOOD and Clint Mansell's "Lux Aeterna" from REQUIEM FOR A DREAM.
In conclusion, this is amongst the finest genre films ever. It's the film that any and all following superhero movies will be judged. It transcends one genre of film and becomes its own amalgamation. This is like a latter year Johnny Cash record. In his waning years he covered a vast collective of variable songs, and recreated them in his own distinguishable style. THE DARK KNIGHT is a horror film, a crime thriller, a dark comedy/satire and a classical detective story. The ingredients were thrown meticulously into a blender and the restaurant has discovered a recipe for the ages. It's a fully cohesive, striking work of motion picture. I rarely say this with new releases, and I think I said it with WALL-E: This is one of the greatest movies ever made. This isn't a bias judgment from a hardcore BATMAN fan. If anything that makes me even more critical.
I have ridiculously high standards and I'm not afraid to bash something when it isn't up to par. I have even higher standards when it comes to the things that molded my childhood. I liked the SPIDER-MAN movies, sure. But I don't regard them as classics or Grade-A movies. More like mid-grade, actually. Like a Toyota, not a Lexus. SPIDER-MAN 3 was like my old beige Corolla. Six months to go on the payments and the fucker goes POOF.
I could go on and on and on about this film for hours. But I'm not going to. It really is that good. You've read all about it from other critics. For the first time in history, they're absolutely correct. To be honest, I don't believe I've ever heard this much unanimous praise for a film EVER. Everybody I've talked to about this film has loved it and is anxious to see it again.
THE DARK KNIGHT is the best summer movie since THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. And THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is my favorite movie of all time. Do the math on that. That's how strongly I feel about this movie.
As Gordon says in the final lines of the film, that Batman was not the hero Gotham needs, but the hero Gotham deserves. This parallels my thoughts on the film. THE DARK KNIGHT is not the film we deserve, but the movie we need.
A RFB FUCKIN' SEAL OF APPROVAL MOTION PICTURE. THE DARK KNIGHT DELIVERS. AND THEN SOME.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
P.S.: Bob Hoskins as THE PENGUIN in BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT BEGINS THE CAPED CRUSADE (WITH THE BOY WONDER)! Not the actual title, but it would be a good one, I think. Look for another blog down the road where I will attempt to dissect the social and political angles of the movie. There is a lot here to digest. Savor the meal.
WALL-E
WALL-E
The first time I read about this film, it was at the Ain't it Cool site. PIXAR had screened footage from the film for the Austin Drafthouse crowd and they all mentioned how great the footage was. After I read this, I went to YouTube and seeked the teaser trailer for this film. Off the bat, I was head-over-heels in love with the character of WALL-E. I have somewhat of a fetish for futuristic robots (not sexual, pervs). I love automated machines. I find their emulation of our humanity interesting and adorable. I fell in love with the character. He was so damned cute just from the 30 seconds in the teaser. How often do you fall in love with a movie character just from the preview? That's right. Never. From there, I was hooked. I couldn't WAIT to see this movie. To be honest, my personal "most anticipated films of 2008" were THE DARK KNIGHT and WALL-E.
Being a die-hard fan of subversive, intellectually-stimulating science fiction film, I must say that this is amongst the very best of the genre. This is first and foremost, a very moving, affectionate love story but there is a sense of sociopolitical commentary that is undeniably pacing through the narrative. And it isn't preachy or self-righteous...frankly, I have no doubt that in 700 years (assuming we're still around by then) that this is what will become of the human race.
The planet is trashed. Literally. Garbage, garbage, garbage. All that remains is the last WALL-E robot. He creates little lego blocks of the filth that overruns the cities of the derelict planet, many of which overshadow the skyscrapers humans once constructed. The surviving humans, now reside in a ship called the AXIOM and send out a probe with a vegetation evaluating 'bot (EVE) to discover plant life. EVE discovers WALL-E and a heartwarming bond is established between the two. She finds plant life and returns to the ship with WALL-E in tow. Narratively, WALL-E becomes a bit perfunctory after the beginning, but the visuals and message of the film are as revolutionary as the narrative approach of the opening act.
Now, I know audiences and critics alike are calling this THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS on film, but it really isn't that spectacular. It is great, however. Not good. Not mediocre. GREAT. It loses a bit of steam once WALL-E and EVE reach the AXIOM. But goddamn. The first thirty minutes are pitch perfect. Pitch perfect. The visuals in this film are...breathtaking. In WALL-E, there are visuals that rival the finest moments of LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST and THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy. This is not hyperbole. People are absolutely right in this aspect and I agree with them. PIXAR has created a film for the ages. Don't be surprised to see WALL-E on the updated list of AFI's 100 YEARS, 100 MOVIES. And as far as I'm concerned, it belongs fairly high up on that list. It really is that good.
WALL-E combines elements from the cinematic universes of 2001 and IDIOCRACY without being derivative of any of the aforementioned titles. I think it's fair to say that the beginning of this film has never been approached this way narratively before, at least from my perspective on the genre. But then it switches gears to focus on rogue robots, world-controlling corporations and a Christ metaphor...blah, blah, blah. It's been done before. But normally, I wouldn't be nearly this invested in the characters and that goes a long way for a journey as epic, thought-provoking and gorgeous as this one. It is surprising to see these themes poke out of a kid's movie without being condescending or abrasive. And for me, it works.
By the way, WALL-E is climbing the ranks on the top 250 list on the IMDb. I mean climbing. Yesterday and Saturday, it had already entered the ranks at 116, I believe. Earlier today when I checked it, it was at number 8. Right now, it's at number six...right behind PULP FICTION.
It will hit 1 momentarily and dethrone THE GODFATHER as highest rated movie of all time eventually. I have no doubt of that. It won't stay on top, but it will reach it. I have only seen one film accomplish this since I began visiting the site: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING. This movie is as good as that one and not as flawed.
To me, every great movie contains a moment so grandiose that you come to the realization subconsciously (you're wrapped up in it to not think of it at the time) that looking back, you realized it was a great movie. For THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, that was the Arwen/Nazgul chase to Rivendell. WALL-E has one of these great scenes as well. It occurs in the second part and I won't spoil it for you. You'll know it when you see it. And it's beautiful, touching and hilarious.
Shit, this film made my day. I've had a shit-eating grin on my face since I saw it a few hours ago. I feel rejuvenated. I feel like a little kid again; running around kicking the shit out of other kids for entertainment. You know how often that happens? Fuck off. It doesn't happen. But it did today.
WALL-E gets the RFB SEAL OF FUCKIN' APPROVAL...the highest merit I can bestow upon a film. Critics are predicting this film will get an Oscar nom for Best Picture. I say, let's circumvent that bullshit by cancelling the awards and just give it the Oscar for everything. Let's have an honorary WALL-E awards night. Fuck those other movies. They ain't got shit.
It really is that good.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
The first time I read about this film, it was at the Ain't it Cool site. PIXAR had screened footage from the film for the Austin Drafthouse crowd and they all mentioned how great the footage was. After I read this, I went to YouTube and seeked the teaser trailer for this film. Off the bat, I was head-over-heels in love with the character of WALL-E. I have somewhat of a fetish for futuristic robots (not sexual, pervs). I love automated machines. I find their emulation of our humanity interesting and adorable. I fell in love with the character. He was so damned cute just from the 30 seconds in the teaser. How often do you fall in love with a movie character just from the preview? That's right. Never. From there, I was hooked. I couldn't WAIT to see this movie. To be honest, my personal "most anticipated films of 2008" were THE DARK KNIGHT and WALL-E.
Being a die-hard fan of subversive, intellectually-stimulating science fiction film, I must say that this is amongst the very best of the genre. This is first and foremost, a very moving, affectionate love story but there is a sense of sociopolitical commentary that is undeniably pacing through the narrative. And it isn't preachy or self-righteous...frankly, I have no doubt that in 700 years (assuming we're still around by then) that this is what will become of the human race.
The planet is trashed. Literally. Garbage, garbage, garbage. All that remains is the last WALL-E robot. He creates little lego blocks of the filth that overruns the cities of the derelict planet, many of which overshadow the skyscrapers humans once constructed. The surviving humans, now reside in a ship called the AXIOM and send out a probe with a vegetation evaluating 'bot (EVE) to discover plant life. EVE discovers WALL-E and a heartwarming bond is established between the two. She finds plant life and returns to the ship with WALL-E in tow. Narratively, WALL-E becomes a bit perfunctory after the beginning, but the visuals and message of the film are as revolutionary as the narrative approach of the opening act.
Now, I know audiences and critics alike are calling this THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS on film, but it really isn't that spectacular. It is great, however. Not good. Not mediocre. GREAT. It loses a bit of steam once WALL-E and EVE reach the AXIOM. But goddamn. The first thirty minutes are pitch perfect. Pitch perfect. The visuals in this film are...breathtaking. In WALL-E, there are visuals that rival the finest moments of LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST and THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy. This is not hyperbole. People are absolutely right in this aspect and I agree with them. PIXAR has created a film for the ages. Don't be surprised to see WALL-E on the updated list of AFI's 100 YEARS, 100 MOVIES. And as far as I'm concerned, it belongs fairly high up on that list. It really is that good.
WALL-E combines elements from the cinematic universes of 2001 and IDIOCRACY without being derivative of any of the aforementioned titles. I think it's fair to say that the beginning of this film has never been approached this way narratively before, at least from my perspective on the genre. But then it switches gears to focus on rogue robots, world-controlling corporations and a Christ metaphor...blah, blah, blah. It's been done before. But normally, I wouldn't be nearly this invested in the characters and that goes a long way for a journey as epic, thought-provoking and gorgeous as this one. It is surprising to see these themes poke out of a kid's movie without being condescending or abrasive. And for me, it works.
By the way, WALL-E is climbing the ranks on the top 250 list on the IMDb. I mean climbing. Yesterday and Saturday, it had already entered the ranks at 116, I believe. Earlier today when I checked it, it was at number 8. Right now, it's at number six...right behind PULP FICTION.
It will hit 1 momentarily and dethrone THE GODFATHER as highest rated movie of all time eventually. I have no doubt of that. It won't stay on top, but it will reach it. I have only seen one film accomplish this since I began visiting the site: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING. This movie is as good as that one and not as flawed.
To me, every great movie contains a moment so grandiose that you come to the realization subconsciously (you're wrapped up in it to not think of it at the time) that looking back, you realized it was a great movie. For THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, that was the Arwen/Nazgul chase to Rivendell. WALL-E has one of these great scenes as well. It occurs in the second part and I won't spoil it for you. You'll know it when you see it. And it's beautiful, touching and hilarious.
Shit, this film made my day. I've had a shit-eating grin on my face since I saw it a few hours ago. I feel rejuvenated. I feel like a little kid again; running around kicking the shit out of other kids for entertainment. You know how often that happens? Fuck off. It doesn't happen. But it did today.
WALL-E gets the RFB SEAL OF FUCKIN' APPROVAL...the highest merit I can bestow upon a film. Critics are predicting this film will get an Oscar nom for Best Picture. I say, let's circumvent that bullshit by cancelling the awards and just give it the Oscar for everything. Let's have an honorary WALL-E awards night. Fuck those other movies. They ain't got shit.
It really is that good.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
WANTED: A brief showcase of Angelina Jolie's ass
WANTED is sociopathy come to flesh. It's a nihilistic, revolting motion picture captured at 24 frames per second. Then again...this film was more than likely filmed in digital. I don't know. Doesn't matter.
This is a harmful movie to society. There is no conscience in this film; It's not creative, it's not subversive. All of what would make this film unique has already been covered in other films. Take all of the worst parts of FIGHT CLUB and all of the worst parts of THE MATRIX and all of the worst parts of OFFICE SPACE and the entirety of EQUILIBRIUM, bundle it together and you'd have WANTED. I expect school shootings, mall shootings and office shootings in America to skyrocket in record numbers within the next few weeks following this film. I'm not joking. I'm being serious.
And with all of that in mind...This is the most fun I've had at the movies in a long, long time.
All joking aside, this movie is a lot of fun. The two opening adrenaline-drenched action sequences are so ridiculous and over-the-top that you really can't help but almost cheer FUCK YEAH! a couple of times during this indiscernible shit. From there it becomes repetitive. The humor is pretty good, too. I LOL'ed a few times, to be honest. And the visuals are alright and unique. I don't know. In fact, what the hell did I just watch? One minute there were cars flying around doing some car-fu shit and the dude from THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND was pulling off some Grammaton Cleric John Preston shit. And then there was an army of rats that were used as bombs to infiltrate a textile plant. Made no sense to me. The film kind of lost me. And while it wasn't really disturbing (note: a movie with this approach is only truly disturbing when it makes you confront thoughts or ideals you know deep down are morally deplorable) WANTED (I'm not shitting you) through the final line of dialogue, to be exact (alright enough with the ( ) shit) actually condones and advocates murder, whether it be random, predetermined or for excitement. Killing people...FOR NO FUCKIN' REASON! Call me old-fashioned, but we're not supposed to kill each other. As a procreating species, we're supposed to fuck. It's as Carlin used to say: MAKE FUCK, NOT KILL. I'm not exactly an expert in this field, but to each their own, I guess. Sorry, got no background knowledge on the subject (on the killing, not the fuckin').
As always, I attempt to "explain" the film in legendary BP fashion during my reviews. So. Here it is:
PUSSY HATES OFFICE JOB. PUSSY MEETS BADWOLF'S MOM. PUSSY GETS BONER. PUSSY GETS SHOT AT. PUSSY MEETS RED FROM SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. PUSSY SEES BADWOLF'S MOM'S ASS. PUSSY GETS BIGGER BONER. RED TEACHES HIM TO SHOOT PEOPLE. PUSSY SHOOTS PEOPLE. PEOPLE DIE. MANY INNOCENT. BADWOLF'S MOM OCCUPIES SPACE THROUGHOUT MOVIE. POOR MAN'S VERSION OF FIGHT CLUB WITH MATRIX-ESQUE ACTION SEQUENCES.
Alot of innocent people die in this film (by the "hero's" hand, nonetheless) and there appears to be no moral contrast inherent in the backbone of the movie. I really don't know. Sounds kind of like a bad element to tinker with or exploit as society and media alike are having an adverse affect on today's lemming-like youth. Unlike FIGHT CLUB or THE MATRIX, I can't say my paradigm of existentialism has been affected in anyway after watching this movie. Angelina Jolie has a nice ass, I do know that. At least I can say that I took something out of the movie, I guess.
Basically, the message of WANTED is: "Hey...it's okay to shoot a bunch of people so long as you're disgruntled and/or have a life of little to no meaning." That's what I got out of it, at least. I have to respect that as this is America and everybody has a right to an opinion, etc. Nonetheless, you should all say it with me, it's my new personal mantra (not about to replace READ MY SHIT! though): Killing people. It's just not a very nice thing to do.
Doesn't change the fact that it's still fun (I wouldn't really know, I'm just nodding my head in agreement with the movie).
*LOL's as I text everybody in my phone while Shot of Love plays in the background*
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
This is a harmful movie to society. There is no conscience in this film; It's not creative, it's not subversive. All of what would make this film unique has already been covered in other films. Take all of the worst parts of FIGHT CLUB and all of the worst parts of THE MATRIX and all of the worst parts of OFFICE SPACE and the entirety of EQUILIBRIUM, bundle it together and you'd have WANTED. I expect school shootings, mall shootings and office shootings in America to skyrocket in record numbers within the next few weeks following this film. I'm not joking. I'm being serious.
And with all of that in mind...This is the most fun I've had at the movies in a long, long time.
All joking aside, this movie is a lot of fun. The two opening adrenaline-drenched action sequences are so ridiculous and over-the-top that you really can't help but almost cheer FUCK YEAH! a couple of times during this indiscernible shit. From there it becomes repetitive. The humor is pretty good, too. I LOL'ed a few times, to be honest. And the visuals are alright and unique. I don't know. In fact, what the hell did I just watch? One minute there were cars flying around doing some car-fu shit and the dude from THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND was pulling off some Grammaton Cleric John Preston shit. And then there was an army of rats that were used as bombs to infiltrate a textile plant. Made no sense to me. The film kind of lost me. And while it wasn't really disturbing (note: a movie with this approach is only truly disturbing when it makes you confront thoughts or ideals you know deep down are morally deplorable) WANTED (I'm not shitting you) through the final line of dialogue, to be exact (alright enough with the ( ) shit) actually condones and advocates murder, whether it be random, predetermined or for excitement. Killing people...FOR NO FUCKIN' REASON! Call me old-fashioned, but we're not supposed to kill each other. As a procreating species, we're supposed to fuck. It's as Carlin used to say: MAKE FUCK, NOT KILL. I'm not exactly an expert in this field, but to each their own, I guess. Sorry, got no background knowledge on the subject (on the killing, not the fuckin').
As always, I attempt to "explain" the film in legendary BP fashion during my reviews. So. Here it is:
PUSSY HATES OFFICE JOB. PUSSY MEETS BADWOLF'S MOM. PUSSY GETS BONER. PUSSY GETS SHOT AT. PUSSY MEETS RED FROM SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. PUSSY SEES BADWOLF'S MOM'S ASS. PUSSY GETS BIGGER BONER. RED TEACHES HIM TO SHOOT PEOPLE. PUSSY SHOOTS PEOPLE. PEOPLE DIE. MANY INNOCENT. BADWOLF'S MOM OCCUPIES SPACE THROUGHOUT MOVIE. POOR MAN'S VERSION OF FIGHT CLUB WITH MATRIX-ESQUE ACTION SEQUENCES.
Alot of innocent people die in this film (by the "hero's" hand, nonetheless) and there appears to be no moral contrast inherent in the backbone of the movie. I really don't know. Sounds kind of like a bad element to tinker with or exploit as society and media alike are having an adverse affect on today's lemming-like youth. Unlike FIGHT CLUB or THE MATRIX, I can't say my paradigm of existentialism has been affected in anyway after watching this movie. Angelina Jolie has a nice ass, I do know that. At least I can say that I took something out of the movie, I guess.
Basically, the message of WANTED is: "Hey...it's okay to shoot a bunch of people so long as you're disgruntled and/or have a life of little to no meaning." That's what I got out of it, at least. I have to respect that as this is America and everybody has a right to an opinion, etc. Nonetheless, you should all say it with me, it's my new personal mantra (not about to replace READ MY SHIT! though): Killing people. It's just not a very nice thing to do.
Doesn't change the fact that it's still fun (I wouldn't really know, I'm just nodding my head in agreement with the movie).
*LOL's as I text everybody in my phone while Shot of Love plays in the background*
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
RFB vs. SEX IN THE CITY
SEX IN THE CITY: THE MOTION PICTURE (subtitled: EVERYBODY FUCKS EVERYBODY)
IRON MAN was fly. It was dope, it was off the chain, or hook or handle. However you young people talk. But the best part of it was the after-end-credits sequence with Samuel L. Jackson as the director of S.H.I.E.L.D., NICK FURY. How he popped up and mentioned something about an, "...Avenger initiative".
And this...kicks...all...sorts...of...unholy...ass. It's a big Marvel crossover. So soon enough Marvel's Golden Child SPIDER-MAN will be swinging around with his new PUNISHER buddy and they'll both be at each other's throats 'cause they disagree on how to handle injustice. Soon enough, THE THING will be trading blows with THE HULK 'cause of the racial differences (Orange-on-Green violence...it's a crime). Soon enough, Spidey will be invited to join the JUSTICE LEAGUE and will fight alongside Superman, Batman, The Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and so on and so forth. Eventually it'll just become a gigantic superhero orgy and if Spider-Man plays his cards right...maybe...just maybe...he'll be allowed to shoot his web onto Wonder Woman's face. I'm excited (Note: Not as excited as Spider-Man, that's for sure, but pretty damn excited).
And I was thinking, "Damn! Every new movie should end with Nick Fury reciting this shit". Imagine how awesome it would be if WALL-E ended like this?
1. INT. WALL-E'S CRIB-EARTH-700 YEARS IN THE FUTURE
WALL-E wheels inside of his crib with his new homegirl, EVE. WALL-E switches the light switch to no avail. Suddenly, a dark figure appears from the shadows.
DARK FIGURE
Mr. WALL-E. You've started something. Do you think you're the only solitary trash-compacting robot on the planet?
WALL-E speaks incoherently in his robotic garble.
DARK FIGURE
I'm NICK FURY, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. I'm here to talk to you about the AVENGER'S initiative.
WALL-E
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal-E.
THE END
That shit's off da hook!
Or how about if they went back and replaced all of the endings of every movie ever made with Sam Jackson wearing an eye patch, mentioning something about an Avenger's initiative? It could work. Just look at SCHINDLER'S LIST, for instance. Just remove all of the shit at the end with the gravestone and Schindler's emo-crisis when he realizes he could've saved more of those meek motherfuckers. It's irrelevant to the story.
What is relevant, however, is CAPTAIN FUCKIN' AMERICA. He fought in WWII, clashed with The Red Skull and was frozen in the North Atlantic, to be defrosted decades later ala Austin Powers. It fits seamlessly into Schindler's List as far as I'm concerned. This shit is more important than the fable of the holocaust. That shit never happened; it's the grandest conspiracy/hoax in human history. However, there was a flag-wearing man who injected himself with mutant steroids and and threw a metallic frisbee at German people. AND he leads THE AVENGERS. This is authentic; it's been documented. Research it on the reliable Wikipedia. It's all there.
Then you have Nick Fury's fellow homeboys who could show up at random: SPIDER-MAN, THOR, IRON MAN, HULK, BLADE...fuckin' Blade, man. Blade should be cameoed in every movie set for release from now on. Motherfucker just shows up and starts saying shit like, "It's open season on all suckheads" or "Some motherfuckers always trying to skate uphill". And he follows these sentences by swiftly decapitating the most unlikable character on-screen. We could use stock footage and insert appropriate sound bytes from the BLADE series. Matt and Trey did this with one of the best episodes of SOUTH PARK, so they proved it could be done. Let's make an effort, shall we?
(Come to think of it, we really, really needed Blade during THE PHANTOM MENACE. This is called "plot development", people. Let's get with it.)
And frankly, I feel that he would've been most at home with SEX IN THE CITY: THE MOTION PICTURE (subtitled: EVERYBODY FUCKS EVERYBODY). This is a story about four, over-the-hill STD infested vampires who moonlight as four, over-the-hill, STD infested croc-shoe collectors. As they're all despicable, self-obsessed, borderline sociopathic materialists who have never felt a genuine, raw emotion throughout their pitiful run of life, I don't know. Decapitation sounds like a happy ending to me. Like when Bambi's mom got shot. That made my day when I was a child, I tell ya.
Well, that about ends the review. Yes sir, indeedy. I haven't seen the film, nor will I ever. I just wanted to share this epiphany with you. I don't know. I'm just opining my subversive views to aid and improve the declining state of modern cinema. That's all.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
IRON MAN was fly. It was dope, it was off the chain, or hook or handle. However you young people talk. But the best part of it was the after-end-credits sequence with Samuel L. Jackson as the director of S.H.I.E.L.D., NICK FURY. How he popped up and mentioned something about an, "...Avenger initiative".
And this...kicks...all...sorts...of...unholy...ass. It's a big Marvel crossover. So soon enough Marvel's Golden Child SPIDER-MAN will be swinging around with his new PUNISHER buddy and they'll both be at each other's throats 'cause they disagree on how to handle injustice. Soon enough, THE THING will be trading blows with THE HULK 'cause of the racial differences (Orange-on-Green violence...it's a crime). Soon enough, Spidey will be invited to join the JUSTICE LEAGUE and will fight alongside Superman, Batman, The Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and so on and so forth. Eventually it'll just become a gigantic superhero orgy and if Spider-Man plays his cards right...maybe...just maybe...he'll be allowed to shoot his web onto Wonder Woman's face. I'm excited (Note: Not as excited as Spider-Man, that's for sure, but pretty damn excited).
And I was thinking, "Damn! Every new movie should end with Nick Fury reciting this shit". Imagine how awesome it would be if WALL-E ended like this?
1. INT. WALL-E'S CRIB-EARTH-700 YEARS IN THE FUTURE
WALL-E wheels inside of his crib with his new homegirl, EVE. WALL-E switches the light switch to no avail. Suddenly, a dark figure appears from the shadows.
DARK FIGURE
Mr. WALL-E. You've started something. Do you think you're the only solitary trash-compacting robot on the planet?
WALL-E speaks incoherently in his robotic garble.
DARK FIGURE
I'm NICK FURY, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. I'm here to talk to you about the AVENGER'S initiative.
WALL-E
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal-E.
THE END
That shit's off da hook!
Or how about if they went back and replaced all of the endings of every movie ever made with Sam Jackson wearing an eye patch, mentioning something about an Avenger's initiative? It could work. Just look at SCHINDLER'S LIST, for instance. Just remove all of the shit at the end with the gravestone and Schindler's emo-crisis when he realizes he could've saved more of those meek motherfuckers. It's irrelevant to the story.
What is relevant, however, is CAPTAIN FUCKIN' AMERICA. He fought in WWII, clashed with The Red Skull and was frozen in the North Atlantic, to be defrosted decades later ala Austin Powers. It fits seamlessly into Schindler's List as far as I'm concerned. This shit is more important than the fable of the holocaust. That shit never happened; it's the grandest conspiracy/hoax in human history. However, there was a flag-wearing man who injected himself with mutant steroids and and threw a metallic frisbee at German people. AND he leads THE AVENGERS. This is authentic; it's been documented. Research it on the reliable Wikipedia. It's all there.
Then you have Nick Fury's fellow homeboys who could show up at random: SPIDER-MAN, THOR, IRON MAN, HULK, BLADE...fuckin' Blade, man. Blade should be cameoed in every movie set for release from now on. Motherfucker just shows up and starts saying shit like, "It's open season on all suckheads" or "Some motherfuckers always trying to skate uphill". And he follows these sentences by swiftly decapitating the most unlikable character on-screen. We could use stock footage and insert appropriate sound bytes from the BLADE series. Matt and Trey did this with one of the best episodes of SOUTH PARK, so they proved it could be done. Let's make an effort, shall we?
(Come to think of it, we really, really needed Blade during THE PHANTOM MENACE. This is called "plot development", people. Let's get with it.)
And frankly, I feel that he would've been most at home with SEX IN THE CITY: THE MOTION PICTURE (subtitled: EVERYBODY FUCKS EVERYBODY). This is a story about four, over-the-hill STD infested vampires who moonlight as four, over-the-hill, STD infested croc-shoe collectors. As they're all despicable, self-obsessed, borderline sociopathic materialists who have never felt a genuine, raw emotion throughout their pitiful run of life, I don't know. Decapitation sounds like a happy ending to me. Like when Bambi's mom got shot. That made my day when I was a child, I tell ya.
Well, that about ends the review. Yes sir, indeedy. I haven't seen the film, nor will I ever. I just wanted to share this epiphany with you. I don't know. I'm just opining my subversive views to aid and improve the declining state of modern cinema. That's all.
--Don't die in a fire.--
RFB
THE HAPPENING
THE WHAT'S-GOING-ON?
Jesus jumped-up Christ with a jump-rope and crackers. M. Night Shyamalan's latest THE WHAT'S-GOING-ON? is a travesty of motion picture. This is a movie that is so bad that I fervently believe that it is not by accident. Nobody can make a movie this bad unless they set out to make a movie this bad. And I loved every second of it. Not because I could laugh at the absurdity or unintentional laughter this film provokes. Oh, no. I loved it 'cause this is the official career death rattle of an arrogant hack, one-trick-pony moviemaker who insists that he shares a "secret" formula that only he and Spielberg are in on.
With WHAT'S-GOING-ON?, Shyamalan has proven that he is not only full of shit, but full of himself. Unless this is his idea of a sick joke or an experimental endeavor to emulate and "best" the low-level quality of the worst directed B-movies ever conceived, then I have no respect for the prick. I believe the man has talent, but refuses to challenge himself or attempt to delve into versatility as an auteur. And his work has grown stale; it's perfunctory. He's a grade-A, know-it-all asshole, and I believe that at this point, he's the only motherfucker on the face of the planet that still believes his own hyperbolic "craftsmanship" as a filmmaker.
For fuck's sake. Shyamalan is so uncreative at this point in his "career" that he can't even come up with a strong title for this one. THE HAPPENING. Boy, that'll pack the theaters full! That's, like, the worst title in the history of film. Bar none. Even worse than A SOUND OF THUNDER or SNAKES ON A PLANE. And it did not pack the theater full. I saw a matinee and there were maybe 10 people in the theater at most.
What's the plot? Wait...there was a plot? As I watched in disbelief, this was simply a story about underdeveloped, grating characters trying to outrun gusts of wind. Oh, well. That's about it. Not as exciting as it sounds, I can assure you of that. But that's okay. Not every movie can be as exciting as MIAMI VICE or Ang Lee's HULK, regardless of how hard the filmmakers may try.
Marky Mark delivers a performance for the ages. His line delivery dethrones Winona Ryder in any film she has ever desecrated with her presence. It's that good *cough*bad*cough* that he will most likely visit the podium to accept an award next season.
The Golden Raspberry awards, I mean.
Then again, it's really not his fault. The poor guy, along with the rest of the cast, don't have a lot to work with. The performances are universally horrid. In the world of this movie, mass suicides must be frequent as none of the characters respond realistically whatsoever. The deaths aren't stark or brutal...they're laughable. As the movie drags the fuck along, they become even more absurd...thus providing more laughing stock. This is not just because of the lack of creativity behind them...there is nothing at stake. If THE HAPPENING is a vision of the apocalyptic finale of the human race, then I would have to say GOOD RIDDANCE. I had no emotional connection to the characters at all; it didn't matter to me if they lived or died. And to the few supporting characters that did die, I laughed my ass off at them. Not because I'm sadistic, but because they were vacuous archetypes, traversing mundanely through inexplicable, "hazardous" circumstances.
Too much babyfat, too. The subplots in this film offer nothing. The dialogue needs nowhere. I don't give a shit about hot-dogs. I don't care about the disappearance of bees across the nation. Here we have it; a phenomena of mass-suicide sweeping the east coast, and we're stuck here listening to platitudes from the most uninteresting characters in recent memory, minus the SEX IN THE CITY sluts/whores/walking-stds/cunts. John Leguizamo's character may as well not exist, the "tragic" deaths of the two children who travel with Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch was hilarious and really didn't have any empathetic impact, at all. The old lady they encounter at the end is the highlight of this movie. I love this woman. She's so ghoulishly succinct and oblivious to the situation at hand that you can't help but laugh or cheer whenever she appears on-screen.
The "Joey" cheating-wife subplot is retarded; it has no place in the story. Marky Mark fires back with the most uproarious anecdote I've ever heard in my entire life. Problem is that it WASN'T funny; it was a daffy, incoherent limerick that interrupted the imminent doom of the situation. Death is literally on the wind...If I was in that situation I don't think I'd be making corny jokes about cough syrup. I'd be more interested in SURVIVAL or "PAINTING" A MAP OF HAWAII ON THE FACE OF MY SMOKING HOT WIFE BEFORE THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD ENDS!!!
I don't know. Perhaps I'm just a little odd.
I was laughing uncontrollably at the absurdity and piss-poor writing that was presented in front of me. This is unintentional camp-comedy of the highest pedigree. But on a narrative level, seriously, there really is no reason any movie should ever be this nauseating.
All right. I'm finished. Um...horrible. That's all I'm going to say. This movie is Ludivico treatment-quality bad. Forcing somebody to watch this shit against their will would be a crime on par with first-degree rape. Coaxing someone to watch this is as monstrous as administering an impromptu torture session which involves jumper cables, a car battery and the victim's testes.
So thank you once again for your contribution to the world of cinema, Mr. Shyama-la-ma-ding-dong. It's been a delight to watch your candle burn out so embarrassingly--and--deservedly. Go plummet off of a building to your demise, you pretentious prick. At this point, it's the only trick you could pull off and continue to hold my attention. Unlike THE HAPPENING, I wouldn't be ashamed that I wasted 10 bucks for the price of admission, either.
I will more than likely purchase this movie when it is released on DVD (i.e.: five dollar bin at Wally World) and we will all have a BP-sponsored movie night so that we can all drink up and rip this film to shreds MST3K-style. Opportune laughing stock doesn't get much better than this.
Nevertheless, this is one of the worst films of the year *cough*decade*cough.
--Don't die in a fire--unless you're M. Night Shyama-la-ma-ding-dong.--
RFB
Jesus jumped-up Christ with a jump-rope and crackers. M. Night Shyamalan's latest THE WHAT'S-GOING-ON? is a travesty of motion picture. This is a movie that is so bad that I fervently believe that it is not by accident. Nobody can make a movie this bad unless they set out to make a movie this bad. And I loved every second of it. Not because I could laugh at the absurdity or unintentional laughter this film provokes. Oh, no. I loved it 'cause this is the official career death rattle of an arrogant hack, one-trick-pony moviemaker who insists that he shares a "secret" formula that only he and Spielberg are in on.
With WHAT'S-GOING-ON?, Shyamalan has proven that he is not only full of shit, but full of himself. Unless this is his idea of a sick joke or an experimental endeavor to emulate and "best" the low-level quality of the worst directed B-movies ever conceived, then I have no respect for the prick. I believe the man has talent, but refuses to challenge himself or attempt to delve into versatility as an auteur. And his work has grown stale; it's perfunctory. He's a grade-A, know-it-all asshole, and I believe that at this point, he's the only motherfucker on the face of the planet that still believes his own hyperbolic "craftsmanship" as a filmmaker.
For fuck's sake. Shyamalan is so uncreative at this point in his "career" that he can't even come up with a strong title for this one. THE HAPPENING. Boy, that'll pack the theaters full! That's, like, the worst title in the history of film. Bar none. Even worse than A SOUND OF THUNDER or SNAKES ON A PLANE. And it did not pack the theater full. I saw a matinee and there were maybe 10 people in the theater at most.
What's the plot? Wait...there was a plot? As I watched in disbelief, this was simply a story about underdeveloped, grating characters trying to outrun gusts of wind. Oh, well. That's about it. Not as exciting as it sounds, I can assure you of that. But that's okay. Not every movie can be as exciting as MIAMI VICE or Ang Lee's HULK, regardless of how hard the filmmakers may try.
Marky Mark delivers a performance for the ages. His line delivery dethrones Winona Ryder in any film she has ever desecrated with her presence. It's that good *cough*bad*cough* that he will most likely visit the podium to accept an award next season.
The Golden Raspberry awards, I mean.
Then again, it's really not his fault. The poor guy, along with the rest of the cast, don't have a lot to work with. The performances are universally horrid. In the world of this movie, mass suicides must be frequent as none of the characters respond realistically whatsoever. The deaths aren't stark or brutal...they're laughable. As the movie drags the fuck along, they become even more absurd...thus providing more laughing stock. This is not just because of the lack of creativity behind them...there is nothing at stake. If THE HAPPENING is a vision of the apocalyptic finale of the human race, then I would have to say GOOD RIDDANCE. I had no emotional connection to the characters at all; it didn't matter to me if they lived or died. And to the few supporting characters that did die, I laughed my ass off at them. Not because I'm sadistic, but because they were vacuous archetypes, traversing mundanely through inexplicable, "hazardous" circumstances.
Too much babyfat, too. The subplots in this film offer nothing. The dialogue needs nowhere. I don't give a shit about hot-dogs. I don't care about the disappearance of bees across the nation. Here we have it; a phenomena of mass-suicide sweeping the east coast, and we're stuck here listening to platitudes from the most uninteresting characters in recent memory, minus the SEX IN THE CITY sluts/whores/walking-stds/cunts. John Leguizamo's character may as well not exist, the "tragic" deaths of the two children who travel with Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch was hilarious and really didn't have any empathetic impact, at all. The old lady they encounter at the end is the highlight of this movie. I love this woman. She's so ghoulishly succinct and oblivious to the situation at hand that you can't help but laugh or cheer whenever she appears on-screen.
The "Joey" cheating-wife subplot is retarded; it has no place in the story. Marky Mark fires back with the most uproarious anecdote I've ever heard in my entire life. Problem is that it WASN'T funny; it was a daffy, incoherent limerick that interrupted the imminent doom of the situation. Death is literally on the wind...If I was in that situation I don't think I'd be making corny jokes about cough syrup. I'd be more interested in SURVIVAL or "PAINTING" A MAP OF HAWAII ON THE FACE OF MY SMOKING HOT WIFE BEFORE THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD ENDS!!!
I don't know. Perhaps I'm just a little odd.
I was laughing uncontrollably at the absurdity and piss-poor writing that was presented in front of me. This is unintentional camp-comedy of the highest pedigree. But on a narrative level, seriously, there really is no reason any movie should ever be this nauseating.
All right. I'm finished. Um...horrible. That's all I'm going to say. This movie is Ludivico treatment-quality bad. Forcing somebody to watch this shit against their will would be a crime on par with first-degree rape. Coaxing someone to watch this is as monstrous as administering an impromptu torture session which involves jumper cables, a car battery and the victim's testes.
So thank you once again for your contribution to the world of cinema, Mr. Shyama-la-ma-ding-dong. It's been a delight to watch your candle burn out so embarrassingly--and--deservedly. Go plummet off of a building to your demise, you pretentious prick. At this point, it's the only trick you could pull off and continue to hold my attention. Unlike THE HAPPENING, I wouldn't be ashamed that I wasted 10 bucks for the price of admission, either.
I will more than likely purchase this movie when it is released on DVD (i.e.: five dollar bin at Wally World) and we will all have a BP-sponsored movie night so that we can all drink up and rip this film to shreds MST3K-style. Opportune laughing stock doesn't get much better than this.
Nevertheless, this is one of the worst films of the year *cough*decade*cough.
--Don't die in a fire--unless you're M. Night Shyama-la-ma-ding-dong.--
RFB
FUNNY GAMES U.S.
FUNNY GAMES U.S.
In late January, I traveled afar to see last year's Oscar-nominated THERE WILL BE BLOOD. While I was there at the screening, I saw many trailers for obscure independent films. While I do not remember what many of those films were, I do remember the trailer for the movie FUNNY GAMES U.S. It looked interesting, so I went home after TWBB and checked the movie's information online. It came to my attention that this was an Americanized remake of the Swedish horror film…FUNNY GAMES made by the same guy. The original is what is often called the "granddaddy" of the torture porn genre…but tragically, filmmakers completely failed to connect with the message and themes of this movie.
While I would otherwise shun another asinine remake of a foreign horror movie, I kept reading about the original, what it was about, etc. And it made sense that the director would remake his own film shot-by-shot, in response to the self-indulgent, disgusting plethora of vacuous horror films that were being shat out on what seemed to be a weekly basis.
Having finally seen it, I will only say three words about this film.
Ho. Lee. Shit.
This is a home invasion movie akin to the French horror film THEM or the American response of THE STRANGERS. However, where as at least THE STRANGERS (never seen THEM) intention was to scare you to the core, FUNNY GAMES U.S. has another agenda on its mind altogether.
You see, we have this complex in America called SADISM. As a collective cinema-going group, we enjoy blood; we enjoy cinematic violence. We revel upon faceless murderers who employ diverse, shocking tactics to dispatch hapless prey. On the flip side, we often side with the protagonist(s)/survivors as this world is a daily struggle of incessant ridicule. We cheer when the victims turn the tables on the aggressor. It's fun. It caters to our Id; to project impulses that we could never act out on in the course of our mundane reality. We slap down our hard-earned money to sit in a darkened theater for 1-2 hours to watch these monsters, "…fire it up" so to speak.
FUNNY GAMES U.S. turns that around and asks us: What happens when amusement is stripped from a horror film? Rather than focusing on our need to act out our sinister impulses we are instead forced to experience, in detail, the psychological and physical torture of the pending victims? What happens when the "fairy" is removed from the ending of a grisly, nihilistic tale?
In short, why the HELL did you pay to view an "entertaining" fable of two psychotic golfers that torture and subsequently murder a conjugal family to, in effect, entertain themselves?
FUNNY GAMES U.S. is not entertaining. AT ALL. I honestly can't see how anybody that is not currently convicted could find this film entertaining. But that's not a bad thing. That's the point. Rather than amuse or "entertain" you, it's meant to make you furious; to perturb and give you cause to think about why it distresses you.
Mark my words: This movie is disturbing. It's fucked up is more appropriate, actually. An impressive feat as there is only one scene of on-screen violence throughout the near 2-hour run of this movie. The brilliant, patient cinematography, coupled with the superb performances by Tim Roth and Naomi Watts as the family in danger accentuate the slow-burn of the circumstances. All of the violence is implied and sterile and I'm not gonna lie to you: Some of the events that took place were so heinous that I was frankly shocked to see them in an American movie at all. FUNNY GAMES U.S. purposely crosses the line several times to drive the point home: We're all a bunch of sick fucks. And it ain't cool. At all.
It was released this Tuesday on DVD and I give it the RFB SEAL OF APPROVAL. I'd recommend checking it out. This is an artistic film set to disturb and give room for reflection. FUNNY GAMES U.S. did just that and when a movie actually delivers on what it promises and intends, I must respect that.
--Don't die in a fire--
RFB
In late January, I traveled afar to see last year's Oscar-nominated THERE WILL BE BLOOD. While I was there at the screening, I saw many trailers for obscure independent films. While I do not remember what many of those films were, I do remember the trailer for the movie FUNNY GAMES U.S. It looked interesting, so I went home after TWBB and checked the movie's information online. It came to my attention that this was an Americanized remake of the Swedish horror film…FUNNY GAMES made by the same guy. The original is what is often called the "granddaddy" of the torture porn genre…but tragically, filmmakers completely failed to connect with the message and themes of this movie.
While I would otherwise shun another asinine remake of a foreign horror movie, I kept reading about the original, what it was about, etc. And it made sense that the director would remake his own film shot-by-shot, in response to the self-indulgent, disgusting plethora of vacuous horror films that were being shat out on what seemed to be a weekly basis.
Having finally seen it, I will only say three words about this film.
Ho. Lee. Shit.
This is a home invasion movie akin to the French horror film THEM or the American response of THE STRANGERS. However, where as at least THE STRANGERS (never seen THEM) intention was to scare you to the core, FUNNY GAMES U.S. has another agenda on its mind altogether.
You see, we have this complex in America called SADISM. As a collective cinema-going group, we enjoy blood; we enjoy cinematic violence. We revel upon faceless murderers who employ diverse, shocking tactics to dispatch hapless prey. On the flip side, we often side with the protagonist(s)/survivors as this world is a daily struggle of incessant ridicule. We cheer when the victims turn the tables on the aggressor. It's fun. It caters to our Id; to project impulses that we could never act out on in the course of our mundane reality. We slap down our hard-earned money to sit in a darkened theater for 1-2 hours to watch these monsters, "…fire it up" so to speak.
FUNNY GAMES U.S. turns that around and asks us: What happens when amusement is stripped from a horror film? Rather than focusing on our need to act out our sinister impulses we are instead forced to experience, in detail, the psychological and physical torture of the pending victims? What happens when the "fairy" is removed from the ending of a grisly, nihilistic tale?
In short, why the HELL did you pay to view an "entertaining" fable of two psychotic golfers that torture and subsequently murder a conjugal family to, in effect, entertain themselves?
FUNNY GAMES U.S. is not entertaining. AT ALL. I honestly can't see how anybody that is not currently convicted could find this film entertaining. But that's not a bad thing. That's the point. Rather than amuse or "entertain" you, it's meant to make you furious; to perturb and give you cause to think about why it distresses you.
Mark my words: This movie is disturbing. It's fucked up is more appropriate, actually. An impressive feat as there is only one scene of on-screen violence throughout the near 2-hour run of this movie. The brilliant, patient cinematography, coupled with the superb performances by Tim Roth and Naomi Watts as the family in danger accentuate the slow-burn of the circumstances. All of the violence is implied and sterile and I'm not gonna lie to you: Some of the events that took place were so heinous that I was frankly shocked to see them in an American movie at all. FUNNY GAMES U.S. purposely crosses the line several times to drive the point home: We're all a bunch of sick fucks. And it ain't cool. At all.
It was released this Tuesday on DVD and I give it the RFB SEAL OF APPROVAL. I'd recommend checking it out. This is an artistic film set to disturb and give room for reflection. FUNNY GAMES U.S. did just that and when a movie actually delivers on what it promises and intends, I must respect that.
--Don't die in a fire--
RFB
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